I'm finally done packing! And my total expenses has risen to 11682RM including spending money, flights, stays, clothing and stuff. Gee whiz. My heart almost stopped looking at the figure, cuz it's college fees for a year, that is.

Excited? Not really, maybe it just hasn't hit me. Nervous? Definitely!

Ready to work my ass off and be shouted at often? I certainly hope so. Gotta start growing a thicker skin i guess (thinking maybe elephant/ rhino hide)

Hmm. The holiday week just seemed to fly by, and i didn't do much except bum around and get my stuff ready for france.. Managed to enjoy naz's and hadi's open house, but that was about it..

Didn't get to go cycling this morning, pretty peeved, cuz dad conveniently "forgot" to wake me up. Oh well.

Let's see. i've spent a total of 5000RM for france already:

Flight tickets - 3900

Clothing and Essentials - 800

Paris Stay - 300 (estimated)

Still got loads of packing to do.. and i'm so lazy to do it..

A picture seems to speak a thousand words,

I dunno what happened, but i know it hurts.

I can't get it outta my mind,

It's like i'm too lost to find.

Every look cuts deeper,

Every time i grow weaker.

I still love her,

It's just not quite the same.

I can't stand it here,

My heart is too maimed.

She blogs everything is alright,

but a message sheds different light.

A mesage not recieved,

the blame is put on me.

Then comes the killer,

3 words, 1 broken heart,

A simple message saying "you're screwed up".

I tried to explain,

all in vain.

The reason she wouldn't hear,

my eyes started to tear.

The fault, is it truly mine?

Or was it just a bad time?

Her phone goes off,

she won't pick it up,

looks like i'm all out of luck.

I don't know what to do,

I still hold love for you.

Yet I don't know what to say,

for my heart is scattered away.

"This love is killing me"

-Daughtry

And i don't know what to do..

*sigh* it's been another long week, haven't slept well for ages.

Okay, I should get things off my chest now. Looking back, it's always never in a good light, I'm always the one getting you mad and irritated. I don't think I've managed any good so far. Coming back all the time exhausted from college and all, I was selfish, never staying up to wait on you, or otherwise caught up with my work.

I know I'll never be able to apologize enough, and words will always just be words. I'm sorry I can't be the perfect person you're looking for. I don't deserve to have you around.

I'm running on a lack of sleep, i was thinking things over the whole nite last nite, didn't sleep a wink. And i've come to the conclusion that, there is just to many "maybes", and maybe those "maybes" will be too much for me to handle.

and along came another..

Event again tomorrow! "get together dinner" for them juniors (dh34). Let's see, I've got 110 pax, fully plated service. Got 3 hours to prep for the dinner, which will be a real rush.. Hopefully will be able to bring people in earlier to do the mise en place.

I'm the so called manager, but i chose to be in the kitchen, to control the flow and (especially) the presentation and quality of the food, hence the "exec chef". How embarassing it would be to have great performances and settings, but a horrible dinner. Mademoiselle Novia will be the Maitre d', wish her all the best, there are some troubling putains out there..

Hope everything goes as planned, we're a little short of manpower in the kitchen, most of whom may not be too professional, and mind you, plated service ain't no joke!

Doing some last minute preparation and organizing for the dinner tomorrow, so yup, till next time!